I FOUND EVERY BOBA SHOP IN THE US + THIS IS THE STATE OF BOBA IN 2021

totally inadequate answers to none of your questions about boba. special thanks to ray, jacky, and kristy for proofreading drafts.

Jan 16, 2021

It feels weird to say this but: as an Asian American, boba/bubble tea is a stupidly big part of my cultural identity. After decades of being stereotyped as sidekicks, engineers, and dog-eaters, it’s nice that a handful of black, chewy blobs have captured mainstream attention as a uniquely Asian immigrant icon. In the last decade, boba made its rounds through the New York Times and NPR. It saw boozy and musical moments, and even slithered down the throats of Presidential Candidates (Hillary, Andrew Yang).

To celebrate the mainstream-ization of boba, I humbly present to you every boba fact you never asked for, or alternatively:

THE STATE OF BOBA IN 2021 (US Version).

*drumroll please*

Superlatives

The Best Boba Shop

Tell me, what is the best boba shop in the US?

Trick question.

I don’t know why you immediately thought of that boba shop in your neighborhood with the cute cups. It’s not that one. It’ll never be that one.

It’s Brew Tea Bar in Las Vegas which has an average rating of 5.0 stars on 2,000+ reviews on Yelp. How am I convinced that it’s the best? Just take a look at this chart:

Rating (x-axis) vs. Number of Reviews (y-axis) for all 5,957 boba shops in the US

The Most Popular Boba Chains

All you basic boba hoes, you need to hear this. Corporations are slowly draining the cash from your very thin pockets and all it took was serving boba in a light bulb. Don’t be sheeple.

For your viewing pleasure, here are the most popular boba chains in the US and their average rating:

Most Popular Boba Chains and Weighted Average Rating

The Most Common Boba Reviewer Names

The Most Common Boba Reviewer First Names

We’re playing Simon says here. If your name is Jessica, Michelle, or Jennifer would you please stand up? Repeat after me:

Grant me the serenity to accept the sugar levels I cannot change,
Courage to ask for no ice,
and Wisdom to know the difference between roasted oolong and tieguanyin.

(I didn’t say Simon says)

You gals might be the most basic boba reviewers in the country. Own this moment. Write it on your resume, I don’t care. And if you’re not a Jessica, Michelle, or Jennifer - now you know who to ask if you ever need a boba recommendation.

The Best Boba Reviewer (not even close)

For the uninitiated, let me introduce you to Fox E. who has over 14,000 reviews on Yelp and by my estimates has written 1 in 200 of ALL Yelp boba reviews. ONE DUDE. THIS DUDE:

Here are some of his hot bars from a review of Ding Tea in Houston:

I don't love your mother, it was just a casual FLING TEA
I don't love your father, it's not my fault he's so CLING-Y
I'm a free love kinda boba drinker, so I SWING TEA
But if you want some Boba I say get Boba at DING TEA

Fox, you are a champ. Keep on keeping.

The Most Remote Boba Shop

There’s a boba shop out in the middle-of-nowhere Nevada that is 237 kilometers (147 miles) away from the nearest boba shop. And it’s absolutely adorable. Just take a look at their cute little blog and Facebook page.

(Photo from Taproot Ely’s FB Page with permission)

Their menu has some very non-traditional flavors, including Blue Hawaiian and Strawberry Butterfly Pea, which is more adventurous than anything I’ve seen out of most boba chains in the last five years. If you pass by Ely, Nevada for some reason, go ahead and send Taproot Ely some love.

Honorable mention

There’s a boba shack on the docks of Ketchikan, Alaska that is 959 kilometers (596 miles) away from the nearest boba shop (owner pictured):

(Photo from Lili’s Bubble Tea with permission)

I contacted its Facebook page, and unfortunately Lili’s Bubble Tea is temporarily closed, so it’s not technically eligible for this title.

The Longest and Shortest Names

Wahine Kai Shave Ice, Kona Coffee and Tea Station in San Diego takes the informal title of Boba-shop-that-just-tells-you-everything-that’s-on-the-menu, and it’s a total gem with 4.5 stars on 483+ reviews. Just look at their Big Kahuna shaved ice:

On the other hand, T4 which stands for Tea For (You) might also be the most fanciful boba chain in the US. Their “Honorary Chief Inspector” states on their website:

I'm a fanatic of delicacy, having walked around in several countries and tasted plenty of zestful dainties. Therefore, I must have my own logical definition of the delicacy. That is to say, after a morsel of food gets into my mouth, my taste bud could work as being at a laboratory.

I wish I could write like that. Maybe I should claim on my Tinder profile that my taste bud could work as being at a laboratory. Ladies, what do you think?

The Best Boba Shops In Each State

disclaimer: this is based on aggregated online review data, which is NOT gospel. if you know a better shop, comment it below.

THE BOBA GRAND SLAM

For the most daring among us, I challenge you to visit all four of these geographically extreme boba shops:

Northernmost: Aurora Crepes & Peking Duck in Alaska

Southernmost: Ono Home Kitchen in Big Island, Hawaii

Easternmost: Yoshi Japanese Restaurant in Maine

Westernmost: Kaua’i Partea in Kauaʻi, Hawaii

We’ll go ahead and call this the BOBA GRAND SLAM. The first person to visit all four shops gets my collection of incomplete boba loyalty stamp cards.

The Great Name Debate

Before I forget: is it Boba Tea or Bubble Tea? Well according to Google, it depends on where you are:

No idea how Florida came to use the term “boba tea” but I’ll take it. On the other hand, it’s pretty clear that we’re reaching an inflection point in our cultural vocabulary, as “boba tea” has been making steady progress towards usurping “bubble tea”. Everyone say it with me: "Culture war! Culture war! CULTURE WAR!”

The Most Interesting Boba Shop Correlations

To prove that I haven’t forgotten all of high school statistics, I did a totally unscientific statistical analysis of US Census data to find out whether places that have more boba shops have more of something else. You should not quote me on this:

(Pearson’s correlation). Positive correlation means when the number of boba shops goes up, the variable goes up. P-value is the significance of this correlation (lower = more significant).

It seems clear to me that boba consumption leads to more wealth, education, and divorce, which is not too bad when you do the math (2 is greater than 1).

On a serious note, boba consumption is probably linked to higher rates of diabetes, but we’re not ready to have a conversation about those pee-values just yet.

If you’ve managed to sit through my Ted Talk, I’d like to say that I’m proud that Asian immigrant foods like boba, Korean barbecue, and phở, among others have popularized a slice of the Asian American experience. I’m even prouder that our cultural contributions have extended beyond the dinner table (I’m looking at you, filmmakers, artists, writers, and entertainers). Here’s to even more cultural exchange in 2021.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to go for the BOBA GRAND SLAM.

Until next time,

Jeff

Not Fox

Mar 5, 2021Liked by Jeff

You really took one for the team and made one of the best written article I've read in a long time

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Teresa

Jan 24, 2021Liked by Jeff

Interesting read. Like many commenters have pointed out, some of the better chains are newer or known only by the true boba fanatics, and therefore may not have the rating volume for your scoring methodology. Would've been cool to see different categories such as 'Up and coming' (highest rated in the past x months) or 'OG Tea shops' (been around for more than X years)

A cool extension could also be to trace how boba shops have spread out and link to the spread of Asian diaspora. Overall, awesome job on this

1 reply by Jeff

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Imma F Ewe up

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